I'm so sad, upsetting, frustrating and depressing~

Tadi aku msg Faris sbb aku teringat kami x penah kuar2 sama2 and Ewan akan g blaja soon. Aku ajak diorang jom minum2 then dia kata ok~ kul 5 abes keje. Then aku g la kat kafe MDL tu sbb nak jumpa ngan aku. Kejap tu smpai Ewan, lama kitorang duduk x smpai2 Farish then uper2 nye diorang x release lagi~ Then Farish smpai, bising gaji x masuk lagi, Azrin pun frust. Lama2 x jadik g sbb bengang. G umah Acik. Then bukak la cter mcm2. Yg len tu aku malas nak cter dlu tapi pasal Azrin. Dia bgtau kat Acik yg dia da x tahan da keje situ, dia nak brenti sooner or later, maybe next week or don't know. Aku cam, Uh?? dia kata dia penat, suma bende dia nak wat, then tambahan skang ni dia kene masak then keje dia bertambah. Dia jadik penat sgt. Owh.....jadik garis melintang bawah mata dia tu bukanlah garis sbb dia x tdo mlm tapi garis2 sbb dia penat. Hidayah, kenapalah ko boleh x perasankan. Aku jadik cam, Oh no~ aku selalu suruh2 dia wat mcm2 jugak, marah2 dia gak, org tu stress, dia kata selalu ye lah keje mmg la penat tapi skang neh penat kepala, dia x tahan. Dia dpr pointer tggi kat IP dlu, so tggu result kuar then mgkn dia akan smbg UPM. Of course, go for it, sedangkan aku wat degree so why not him. Tapi memikirkan saat aku marah2 dia, aku jadik cam, oh no~ Azrin, akak minta maaf sgt2. Aku selalu igt aku sensetive padahal aku x prasan Azrin sgt penat, aku x prasan Farish sgt penat. What happened to me?? I'm the oldest there, they all my babies but~ I don't know what I'm going to think about. They all will leaving me somehow. Now even Azrin?? then my working environment will change eventually. I have to prepared myself to lose to Azrin. We will meet together later, maybe tomorrow or Sunday, it depends. I want to look at him all chances that I have so that I have no regret later. I have too many regrets in life and I never wish to add more. I want to apologizes to everybody. Why this is happening? Why can't I have some happiness in my life? Its really depressing!!!!! I hate it so much to think about it.